London

ok it's taken me a day to write this but I started yesterday and then wasn't able to finish and didn't really want to come back to it....so here goes!

So on Friday I leave my beloved Bristol to go to London to meet Mr F!!!yyeaaahhhh, It was great to see him and did not feel like 6 months at all - this shows how special family are and how it just feels so special to be around them.
We went out for amazing Indian food to a Vegetarian restaurant - too much choice though, I'm used to 3 items not a whole menu full. After we'd eaten way too much and had a lovely organic vegetarian wine we proceded to wander the summer streets of London, on our way we passed Russell Square and Tavistock Place - it was all very sad here knowning 2 weeks ago so many innocents lost their lives for what their killers believe is justice.

Convent Garden was our next stop and I had a lovely glass of Champagne (not Cava - Dad's work was paying hehhe) and we just had a great time hanging out.

Saturday saw us head to Oxford Street to get much needed items for Mrs F, we then wandered up to my personal fave Selfridges I lusted after the Luella, Louis Vuitton and Balenciaga bags uummm if only they weren't made from Calf skin I'd be parting with nearly £500 easy! well my plastic Virgin card would!

We had such a lovely day walking around london and finished it off with Dinner in a fantastic Italian restaurant. Goodbyes were said at Paddington and yes I did get upset, I am a really family girl!

Tears weren't around for too long as I needed to get back to the Hotel as I was meeting the ex boyf who I'll call Jared (heheheh) so I drank whole bottle of wine and then walked to Angel to meet Jared - I was 30 minutes late and he had to stand around in the rain (hehehehehehe) oh how the tables had turned!

We head to a bar that we'd never been to before - I was shocked as we've pretty much covered the whole of Angel/Islington/Highbury and the bars they have to offer! I was quite drunk and after the next bottle of wine we drank I was well wasted is the best word! This is when I decided that it was a good idea to tell Jared what I thought of him and how he'd treated me the past 2 1/2 years especially last year. I really laid into him and didn't stop! But you know what he didn't leave and said he was sorry and *tried* to give his reasons for his behaviour but I wasn't having any of the excuses and knocked each one down - in the end all he could do was tell me how sorry he was! This was after he'd brought me back down to earth about my reckless behaviour and questioned when it was exactly I decided to drop all my dreams and goals that I once stood so firm about. I guess there really are people in your life who can make you look hard at yourself and question your actions - I am lucky in a way as I now have 2 people who have done this to me in the same of a year!!

I don't really remember anything after this and wake up in my hotel room, in Jared's arms. I felt him lean over and kiss me on my head thinking I was still asleep (he always did this, or else he'd tell me how beautiful I was, thinking I was asleep heheheeh. After he'd informed me of my actions the previous night, or should I say after he'd told me I was nice to him for the first 30 minutes and after that I let him know how much he'd hurt me, I said well yeah you were a Twat and you did treat me badly and so I started again hehehe - this time I tried it with a humour edge so it didn't seem as bad and he just kept saying sorry!

Off he went and I had to dash to get my train home to the arms of Lily and Ms Fur, I cried from the minute I arrived at Paddington till I arrived in Bristol. I am so confused, as I had finally let out all those feelings I'd been harbouring for him for 2 1/2 years. I said I'd meet him after he'd been bugging me to meet him for a few months and I'd always bailed at the last minute. I was under the impression that I had no real feelings for him anymore, yeah I loved him but it was more I used to love him not am in love with him. So now I have no idea what to do, I have told him I still liked him and that was the only reason I said all that to him, and he pretty much feels the same way. What happens next I have no idea, what I want to happen I also have no idea... all I know is this is the only person I have ever felt like this about, we both keep getting drawn back to each other and I'd love to spend my life with him! pphheeewwwww feels good to get all that off my chest!

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